As some of you may have noticed I changed my blog title. I changed it to reflect my life. I feel that every time I get something down and am beginning to understand how my life works, something happens to confuse me all over again.
Being a mom is a scary yet rewarding experience. Zoe is the light of my life. But looking at her I realize that some day she'll grow up and leave... just like I did, just like my parents did and their parents etc. etc. At times the thought of letting her go to such a cruel world hurts me so much that I find myself crying as I play with her, or when she flashes that toothless drooly grin, or when she trys to talk to my while she's nursing. It hurts my heart to think that she'll have to learn how harsh and scary the world truly is. But I too had to learn it and honestly am still learning it.
I'm so sorry now that I thought my mom was holding on too tight. I think that I already understand how hard it is for her. She lost my younger sister and I within six months of each other and my brother just moved about 100 miles away from her at the age of 19. My mom is only 42 and can't believe that all of her kids are grown and gone already. I had Zoe, my first, at the same age that my mom had my brother, her youngest. Will I get past this?