I might be having my baby on Friday!!!!!!!!!! I'm so excited! My doctor told me to come back in on Thursday and if I'm effaced enough and the hospital can get me in we'll have her on Friday. If not then we're going to wait until the following Friday, which is a day after her due date, and induce her then... unless she decides to come on her own. Which, if she's anything like me, won't happen. I was 3 weeks late and was still reluctant to leave the womb... even after they induced me!

Ever had a day where all you wanted to do was cry? That's how it is for me today. I should be happy today, it's my 23rd birthday and the 2 week marker for Zoe's due date. But instead I'm wondering why I even bother with anything. I realized today that I've been effectively replaced by everyone except my parents with Zoe. I called my sister a few minutes ago to see how they were and when they got home last night and the first thing she did was wish me a dutiful Happy Birthday.
After that all the questions she had were about when I was thinking of inducing Zoe or if I thought she would come on her own soon.
My mom actually apologized for not thinking to come out and take me home for the day so that I wouldn't have to spend my birthday alone.
When I logged onto my facebook account this afternoon there were quite a few happy birthday messages waiting for me... all of them from people I haven't seen in a long time.
I think that my siblings and my grandparents see Zoe as a second chance to do what they failed to do with me. Kind of like an: " Well Christi didn't turn out the way we wanted her to so maybe Zoe will," type thing. Well I've got news. This little girl will march to the beat of her own drum just like her daddy and me. We're not going to let her be manipulated into some brain-washed robot like I feel so many people tried to make me into.
I'm sorry that so many of my blogs are so negative but this is how I vent I guess. I don't say things very well out loud so this is where it all comes out the way I want it to. And I'm an emotional/hormonal mess with this pregnancy too. I can't help but laugh at myself sometimes.

Yesterday we had a scare. Zoe didn't move all morning or for most of the afternoon. My mom and nana came and drove me to the doctor's office so that they could hook me up to the fetal monitor for a little while. I was doing fine when I called the doctor, then called my mom to let her know what was going on. I fell apart when I called Levi. As soon as I heard his voice on the other end of the line my control crumbled into dust and I was left shaking, crying, and close to panic. I don't like to be that way... especially when he's not at home.
When we got to the doctor's, they hooked up the monitors and left my mom and I in the room while it did it's thing. As soon as the nurse left Zoe started moving like she had been doing it all along. I wasn't having any contractions but her heart rate was fluctuating between 145 and 170 b.p.m. I didn't know whether to cry with relief or frustration. The doctor came in after about 15 minutes looked at the chart and declared her one of the healthiest babies she's ever seen.
She then proceeded to tell me that she doesn't induce until 39 weeks at least. In my emotional state that wasn't a good thing to tell me. Honestly I had been hoping that we could get it all over with then and there.
She did suggest that I take Unisom and get some good sleep. I look like death warmed over. If the sleeplessness doesn't let up within the next couple of days I'm going to try it and see if it will help.