Ever had a day where all you wanted to do was cry? That's how it is for me today. I should be happy today, it's my 23rd birthday and the 2 week marker for Zoe's due date. But instead I'm wondering why I even bother with anything. I realized today that I've been effectively replaced by everyone except my parents with Zoe. I called my sister a few minutes ago to see how they were and when they got home last night and the first thing she did was wish me a dutiful Happy Birthday.
After that all the questions she had were about when I was thinking of inducing Zoe or if I thought she would come on her own soon.
My mom actually apologized for not thinking to come out and take me home for the day so that I wouldn't have to spend my birthday alone.
When I logged onto my facebook account this afternoon there were quite a few happy birthday messages waiting for me... all of them from people I haven't seen in a long time.
I think that my siblings and my grandparents see Zoe as a second chance to do what they failed to do with me. Kind of like an: " Well Christi didn't turn out the way we wanted her to so maybe Zoe will," type thing. Well I've got news. This little girl will march to the beat of her own drum just like her daddy and me. We're not going to let her be manipulated into some brain-washed robot like I feel so many people tried to make me into.
I'm sorry that so many of my blogs are so negative but this is how I vent I guess. I don't say things very well out loud so this is where it all comes out the way I want it to. And I'm an emotional/hormonal mess with this pregnancy too. I can't help but laugh at myself sometimes.