All last month my mantra was: please just shoot me and put me out of my misery. We had three little kid birthdays in May (my baby boy's included) and my little brother got married. The wedding kind of dominated everything and the issues that it brought made an already stressful month almost unbearable for a (for lack of a better term) empath like me.

My grandparents came back from New Mexico for the wedding. I thought that I was done with them for good, but here they came again. They didn't say anything to me and were on their best behavior with the kids, but the negative energy that they brought to everything wore me to a frazzle. Now I'm borrowing more trouble and worry. I wasn't the only one that was negatively affected by their visit. My mom, who has been a lot better since they moved away, has sunk back into depression, which, in turn, is dragging me down too.

My defenses must be at an all time low, because I thought that I had these issues beat. But here they are again, rearing their ugly heads and all I want to do is hit someone.

Maybe it's the onset of summer and the horrible memories of last year are invading my subconscious, who the hell knows? All that I know is I'm depressed and on edge. And I think that the kids are picking up on the things that I am trying to keep hidden. So what am I going to do about it? I don't know and it's driving me insane.

I am a laid back person, I don't like being on edge. Everything feels off kilter and I'm scrambling to regain my balance.

Travace is now 2 and Zoe is 3 1/2. They're growing so fast and I can hardly keep up. It's bittersweet. I'm proud of them and want them to grow and learn, but I want to keep my babies as long as possible and I know that I am not the only Mommy out there who feels that way. It doesn't make it any easier.